I am currently going through a crisis of faith. It's not one of those full-blown "ready to throw in the towel on Christianity" kinds of crises but more of a "what the heck am I supposed to do with my life?!" variety. I have always struggled with figuring out what my passions are, where I am most gifted and how those talents can be used to glorify God. Most of the time I feel uninspired, blah, without purpose. My life isn't a bad one; God has always provided above and beyond for my needs. I have loving friends, a wonderful living situation, an adorable (although non-cuddly) cat, 2 fun jobs--the list goes on and on. Plus, I am finally going to grad school, something I have been dreaming about for years. Yet, even in the midst of all this, I still feel uncertain. Now that I am taking classes to pursue a Masters in counseling, I find myself doubting. Is this really the right path? Is this where my gifts will best be utilized for God's glory?
So many of my friends, most of them younger, seem to have it figured out on this front; they know who they are and what they want to do. I flounder daily from one thought to the next. Today I want to be a counselor but tomorrow I will want to serve overseas as a missionary again while next week I will want to work with youth in a church setting. And all the while, none of it gets my heart pumping with excitement. They are all good options and I'm sure that I could do a good job at them because I am hard working and determined. But I want something that makes me jump out of bed in the morning and exclaim, "I can't believe I actually get paid to do this for a living!!!" I have met people who have this experience but is it realistic for the majority of us?
I certainly don't want to be defined by what I do because I know that my identity is secure as a child of God, yet I long to be excited about what I'm doing with my life. Am I being too self-focused? Do I fail to see the big picture? What am I missing? I feel like I can't see the big neon sign right in front of my face, kind of like the time I was talking to a friend on my cell phone while getting ready to go somewhere and I said, "Where the heck is my phone!" She graciously (and without too much laugther) reminded me that I was on it.