Saturday, August 08, 2009

my heart cries out...

Sometimes my heart just hurts. There are days when the emptiness almost consumes me. I'm not sure how hollowness can cause so much pain. As I think and reflect on it, the conclusion that comes to mind is that I long for heaven. I yearn for it, ache for it, desire to be in the presence of my Lord. This world is not my home. It has left me battered and bruised, grappling for control and sinking further and further into a pit of dispair. But heaven awaits me and I wait in anticipation of that glorious day when I will see my Savior face to face.

I work with a recovery program at church that is based on the 12 steps of AA. It is an amazing ministry and I am priviledged beyond words to walk beside the women in my small group as they see victory over their hurts, habits, and hang-ups. Every week we say the Serenity Prayer. Lately, the words have a deeper meaning as I wrestle with my own issues and fears. It's a beautifully simple yet powerful prayer:

God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that You will make all things right
if I surrender to Your will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with You
forever in the next.